tea berry-blue (teaberryblue) wrote,
tea berry-blue
teaberryblue

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It's going to be a long, long summer

It's not the same. :( It's not that I don't love all of y'all in DotG, cause I do, and last week was some kickass fun. This isn't about the game,damned if I stop playing, I'm not gonna do that, but sometimes I fele like I'm just playing because I can't stop playing while sara's gone and because it's my job to help things along in the meantime, but when you spend more than half the day every day writing with someone and then suddenly you're *not* and you have to make up stuff to do...well, it's really lonely.

i've been in this position before, but usually my games have died off, you know, slowly, like people'll start posting less, get bored, so on, so there's kind of like a buffer period and by the time you're not writing, it's like, oh, well, guess that's over with, and then you start checking in less and less frequently. Even if you're not the one who stops first, if you're not the one who gets bored, and you're disappointed it's dying, it's like, oh well, and you know it's coming. This I knew was coming, but it's still hitting me like a brick, and it's theoretically temporary. I've never been in that situation before, where I was writing with someone, and it was like boom! over, and there was a supposition it'd continue later. Right now of course I'm hoping it's easy enough to pick back up again, but that's going to be months from now, and, well, when the time comes around, is it going to be? I mean, it's entirely possible that one or neither of us'll wanna do it anymore and I can't imagine that being true now, but now is NOT three months from now, and I guess if we don't pick it up in three months, it won't be as hard then, but there's anxiety about it now. I've had so many other projects completely killed by vacations or hiatuses or trips or being out of touch for extended periods. Hell, my last two-person story before college went awry because the guy I was writing with lost his computer to a breakup. He tried to get online every once in a while, and we talked on the phone, but by the time he got a computer back, neither of us could get back into it and I really don't want that to happen again.

Yeah, so if I'm morose or unresponsive now and again, I'm sorry. Figure it'll last a few weeks, and hopefully by then I'll have found some other ways to occupy my time and I'll be used to not writing constantly or having sara around to talk to and I'll actually be willing to consider the fact that those other possible ways to occupy myself could be just as fun or productive or whatever. I mean, I literally gave up my social life to write over the past year. People think that gamers, roleplayers, whatever, are dorks who don't have lives, who don't go out, who don't HAVE friends to go out with, but before I got into dotg I used to go out LOADS...at very least to the openings, and usually to plenty of other stuff besides. I *chose* to stop doing that stuff because I wanted to write...not just with sara, but with a LOT of the dotg folks, but writing the *big freakin' story* really changed that, from me having to decide whether going out was worth missing roleplaying to wincing at the thought of parties I was expected to go to. For the past few months, I've probably talked to sara more than anyone else besides mikey...probably more than my parents and definitely more than ANY of my RL friends (who all think I've dropped of the face of the earth). So it's really hard, even ignoring the writing part. I miss her tons. I keep freaking crying at work which really sucks, at least I can hide behind my monitor and no one can see.

Sara's right near Siena, which was where I was just a little over a year ago when I resolved to start writing again. If I hadn't gone to Siena, I wouldn't have picked up my notebook. I wouldn't have visited Sheroes. I wouldn't have ever seen the DotG site. We probably wouldn't really have crossed paths to the extent that we did. I told her I was jealous, but I think I'm more jealous of the city than I am of her.
Tags: people: sara, roleplaying, roleplaying: dotg, writing, writing:dotg future book
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