January 1st, 2002

cap, captain miss america

maybe i'm crazy to suppose

happy new year.

new year's eve is terribly romantic, even if it is only jesus' circumcision. i think it is way more romantic than any other holiday. i have had this fantasy since i was maybe 8 or so that i would meet the love of my life & sing new year's eve to them shortly before new year's eve. & of course everything would work out beautifully. it's not going to happen, of course, because it requires meeting the love of my life in december. and it would only work if i'd just met the person and didn't know what they thought of me; it has to be gutsy. so it requires perfect timing on too many levels. and an accompanist. and i have mikey, so i'm not exactly looking. i like mikey.

oh well.

i broke a nail down to the quick. i have very nice long nails, most of the time. but one of them broke all the way down on the doorframe. i dunno what that means.

i also had an extraordinary dream last night. i think it was inspired by the fire in peru, which i only had overheard accounts of at that point. & it was about jules' mother, auberonna silver, as a young woman, defeating a powerful hypnotist's attempt to cause mass hysteria in a building that was being pumped with poisonous gas made from pepper and some lethal ingredient. the pepper was to make everyone thing it wasn't poison that was making them feel all funny. anyway, auberonna, who was very young at the time and called aubie (which was short for something else) gzylbr, was able to reign in the hypnosis and escape while saving several others (including a young man who had attempted to rape her). & that is how she learned about true hypnosis & began to forward it as the science of her century. "the next great battle is inside the human mind," she said.

i am going to go to bed. love and peace to all.

cap, captain miss america

i'm only sleeping

i want to be doing something, but we are staying at my 'rent's house until tonight because mikey wants to see the fiesta bowl. it's okay, my mom and i will go see a beautiful mind but i hate not being able to do anything constructive and, well, i haven't been able to check my mail since sunday evening. brargh. that always makes me antsy. i like having the journal at least because i can still writey-write.

yum, writing good.

i got back into finishing my novel i think. i just really want to get to the part where i can write about tola; i also have been burbling with ideas for either jeanne or for sascha. i think jeanne is going to use her book-smarts to fool everyone into thinking she is a princess; i think she is going to just always complain about not being able to sleep everywhere she goes until someone thinks it's because they put a pea in her bed. i also really want to write about isabel but i have to come up with more ideas about how to personalize that story besides just ripping off the taming of the shrew.

i had never thought about auberonna as an interesting character and now i know all these things about her; it's really nifty. she has power because she is impenetrable. my mom got me presents--two new pairs of armwarmers, one pair which is identical to the pair i wear all the time, because she didn't want them to wear out on me, two new pairs of mittens, one pair which are new green-striped snakey friends, and a velvet scarf. mikey got me a stuffed woolly rhino named maxwell. i hate getting toys that are already named for me, but he says he can't hug them unless he names them so he named it while he was in florida. it's a nice rhino though. i still haven't gotten him an xmas present. i wish i knew what to do for him.

i think i am babbling on and on. sleeping here isn't good; my mattress isn't firm enough and mikey and i always end up on the one twin mattress together and i get squooshed as i sleep. my neck hurts.

my cookies were the best thing we had at our new year's party. i made chocolate hazelnut cookies that used ground hazelnuts instead of flour. they were good. the gelato we made was also good-- lemon and fra angelico flavours. i ate veal, which didn't make me happy, but it was the main course and i couldn't really turn it down, but i was disappointed that i ate veal and it wasn't even very good veal. but the risotto with truffles was good. so were the poached pears, but i think that is because i convinced my mother to poach them in san cerre. that was yum.