February 2nd, 2012

cap, captain miss america

Hello everyone!

So, I haven't posted since December 29.

That is over a month and I suspect the longest time I have ever gone without posting since I got my LiveJournal TEN YEARS BEFORE.

It was accidental at first. I was extraordinarily busy at work, and busy in non-work, and most of my internet time was going to hogwarts_elite.

Then like three weeks passed. And I was like, "huh, gee, I haven't posted in three weeks." But it was the day of the Internet Blackout, and I felt as if popping up to be all HEY I AM HERE ON THE INTERNETS on that day was a bit...well, counterintuitive. And then I sat and thought about it.

And you know, sometimes I challenge myself to post every day for A BILLION YEARS, and I post every day for a while. I decided maybe I should go a month without posting.

So the month passed a few days ago. And it actually felt...well, hard to post. I had to bring myself to make this post, to force myself to come out of my hibernation. I haven't quite decided what that means for me.

But it has been making me think more about my internet life, and how I live it, and my various blogs, and what I use them for. I'm not going away-- I'm not being like, "YES I LOVED THAT TIME AWAY FROM BLOGGING," because I have met most of the people I love most in my life as a result of being on the internet and particularly being on LJ, and for some of you whom I met other ways, it has only strengthened our friendships, and that can only be a good thing. But I think I have become more conscious of my relationship with my various blogging outlets, and that is a positive thing to do.

There are so many things that I meant to post to you all this past month. I have not. And some of them I realize are not necessary to tell you about, and some of them I will.

liret posted an article about Why It's Better to Start Your New Year in February, and I feel like that's what I've been accomplishing.

I don't really make New Year's resolutions. I find them to be counter to my personality and in some ways problematic. I'm one of those very goal-oriented people in a lot of ways, but in a sort of semi-self-destructive way where once I set a goal, I follow it through even once I realize it's not really what I want. Because I don't want to be a quitter. And that's not really very good. It is perfectly reasonable to quit something that makes me unhappy.

But I started thinking, around the end of the year, about the things I accomplished to become a more whole and healthy and functional person, and how I improved me.

Some of the things I did that I am really proud of:
--I started using a wallet. I know, I'm 33 years old and this is an accomplishment, right? But it is! I totally have done a great job since August of keeping my money and credit cards, Metrocard and work ID in a wallet, and I have only misplaced my word ID and my Metrocard once each. I used to misplaced them each about once a week-- or it was at very least very difficult to find them in my bag. Now, it is never a problem.
--I have vastly improved my skin. I have pretty break-outy skin. I started washing my face every single morning, using over the counter acne medication, and sometimes cleaning it with a facial pad sometimes at night. I still break out a little bit, but overall I don't feel like a pizza face most of the time.
--I have also improved my dental hygiene. I have always brushed my teeth, but I usually only brushed them in the morning. I have gotten into the habit of brushing in the morning and at night, and also flossing. FLOSSING. THAT IS SOMETHING GROWN UPS DO.
--I did some brave things, that are out of my character to do. Some of them didn't work out as I would have hoped, but I did them, and I am proud of that. Some of them have worked out and have made me more confident in general as a result.
--I have, and this is probably the most important, vastly expanded my social life. A year ago, I pretty much didn't have one. I mean, sure, I would do things with friends occasionally, and once in a while I would attend a party, but now I actually have difficulty finding free nights to do things. I try to keep one free evening a week for myself, just so that I have a night to veg out and recharge, but it doesn't always happen. Ah, the swing of the pendulum!

Those are all things I'm really proud of. I wrote more, but I drew almost no comics. And I think that's okay. I tend to be one of those people who gets very intensely into something for a while and then gets burned out a bit. I need to figure out how to be an allthinginmoderation type of person, but I just don't know if that is in my nature.

Anyway, moving forward this year, I started reading some of my friends' resolutions, and decided that since I don't make resolutions myself, I could help other people fulfill theirs by piggybacking on them, so to speak, and by supporting them by engaging them in continuing to keep up the things they want to do. For example, intrepia and I have started taking a walk for an hour once a week through Central Park. It has the dual benefits of getting exercise and helping us learn the paths in Central Park, which are many and varied and winding.

I would like to do the same with you! Not necessarily the walking, per se, but if there are ways that you would like support to fulfill your goals, please let me know!

Some things I personally need to work on:
--Fitness. I have lost track of any kind of fitness goals and gotten pretty out of shape since moving to Queens. My exercise used to be very easily built into my day, but it isn't anymore, so doing exercisey things means taking time out of my free time, which annoys me. And with dwindling free time (see my social life, above), it's taking time out of the hobbies I really want to cultivate, like writing and drawing. I need to figure out a way to make these things work together again.
--Sleeping. My sleeping habits are for shit lately. Partly, again, for the same reason-- a longer commute (up earlier!) plus less free time to do the things I want to get done (and the things I don't, like chores), means that my sleep has been for shit this past year. In prior years, I did a pretty good job of making sure I always got seven hours of sleep. Now I am down to about six. I can tell it's affecting me physically and emotionally, and it annoys me that on the weekends, I end up sleeping ten hours because I'm obviously trying to catch up, and then I can't get up on time to do things like go to half price movies.
--Cleaning. I am the messiest messy ever to messy. EVER. And it's only getting worse. It doesn't matter how much I try, I am hideously bad at keeping my apartment clean. And, well, to be perfectly honest, it's because I *don't* try. I don't really know how to try. I walk in the door and dump stuff on the floor, and it doesn't even occur to me in the moment that that is what I'm doing. Everything goes on the floor without my thinking about it. I rarely succeed in washing my dishes right after eating. I don't put my laundry away. Things in my apartment go months between cleaning, and this is embarrassing and also a dent on my social life because I can't invite people over. I can only go out to other places. And that means social engagements take longer. NOT THAT ANYONE EVER WANTS TO COME TO QUEENS ANYWAY.

So, those are the things I need to work on. Mostly things that I think will improve my overall physical and emotional health. Sound good? If you are the kind of person who learned how to be successful (it doesn't help if you've always been successful, because you don't know what it's like to transition from being failtastic to fantastic at these things) at any of the above habits, I would like to hear about it. Tell me your stories!!!! mel06 has been actually using the grown up equivalent of a star chart, and I am thinking that might be the way to go.

Love to everyone!!!