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cap, captain miss america
I'm planning on making a major financial investment. Does anyone have any kind of sound, tried-and-true advice?

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You don't get to use the dick icon until you've earned it.

Is it okay if I use it to cal you one?

Watch it, Trueman; I enjoy your stick.

I'll take that as a sign of success.

Most people will tell you to diversify your investments in order to protect your earnings against a potential crash, but I think that's stupid. What you really want to do is concentrate. Doesn't orange juice taste better if you drink it from concentrate than if you water it down? Exactly my point.

So you have your money and you need to put it in something. Now, if you talked to a financial consultant, they'd advise you as a first time investor to put your money into a tried-and-true product, something you know can only grow over time. (If you talked to a kid, they'd tell you to put it in a piggy bank.) But that's what they're telling every first time investor, so that takes all the fun out of it.

What you really want to do is put all your money into something that nobody likes. Like artichokes, or Firestone tires, or the Republican national convention. Then, eventually, somebody feels sorry for the artichokes and buys a lot of them. Or they want to punish their kids. But since you're the only one who was smart enough to invest in them, you get all the money.

Or, if you don't want to have to depend on someone hating their kids, you could go to one of those internet betting places and wager everything you own on something really stupid, like someone beaming a gigantic tenatacled telepathic alien into the middle of New York City and blowing up Manhattan. Only then you have to actually do it, and I guarantee that the return on your investment will be at least a hundred fold. Although it might not work if you're not a hot German-American semi-homosexual supervillain with an Alexander the Great fetish.

you should buy a house. in italy

I guess it depends on the investment. Not that I'd have any brilliant ideas anyway. :P

Other than this haiku, of course!:

The wise investor
Takes time to study and learn
As the dewdrop falls.

Hi there. :) Would you mind if I added you to my friends list? I saw you over at ratemejesus!

gp right ahead! i don't really add people back unless they're people i talk to regularly, though.

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