1. If you could have any ability or talent that you don't have right now,
what would that be?
I would like to be able to project images onto celluloid with my mind.
2. What would you teach if you were a grade school
teacher? High school? College?
I don't think I would be a very good teacher. If I were, it would probably be art or film.
3. What sound do you most love?
Rain falling on water. With thunder.
4. If you could be any kind of bird, what would it be and why?
5. Ambrose is being
interviewed by Larry King. Why? What would be the most absolutely inane
question Larry would ask? And how would Ambrose answer it?
Why? For being Damned.
What Question? "What does it feel like to be Damned?"
Answer? "Goddamn wonderful. I haven't goddamn felt so goddamn good in my life. Until someone goddamn hits me with a piece of goddamn iron, and then it goddamn burns like hell."
These ones are from haruspexy
1. You are given a grant to make a five-minute artsy film. The one
stipulation is that, though it may have a storyline, it must make
absolutely no sense whatsoever. Please describe the series of shots that
you would include.
Well, in order to make it be really artsy, it would have to involve naked people. So I think what I would do is dress up lots of penises in little costumes. One of them would be Little Red Riding Hood. Another would be Hamlet. A third would be The King of Siam. They would sing this little song:
Where oh where in Scotland are the roses lush and red?
I was once a chandelier, but now I bake my bread!
Fourteen hundred tiny fleas are biting at my head,
Oh, if I were a cabbage, I would wish that I was dead.
Then they would have a tea party, and Little Red Riding Dick would run out of jam and cry.
2. If you were a My Little Pony, which one would you be?
I would be Glory. She was my favorite when I was a kid, and she was a badass unicorn with a shooting star. I always thought she was badass, anyway. When I played with my ponies, she was the cool one of the two unicorns. Twilight was the prissy one.
3. Which lesbian montage is creepier, Sophie and Libby or Anthy and
Definitely Utena. I think Sophie and Libby are cute. And, hello, naked on a car?
4. Which Shiver character would make the best Pope? (Aside from John
Waters or anyone else who's really obviously religious.)
I think it would have to be Walshy, only because Walshy would get very upset if anyone else got to wear a bigger hat than him. And he would get to carry a big stick and wave at people from inside pens.
5. WHY WON'T YOUR GODDAMN CAT LEAVE ME ALONE?
Because of love.
1. If you could change anything about the situation you were born with,
what would it be? Country, gender, et cetera.
I don't think I would. I love my family, I love being a girl, I love where I grew up. I might have preferred living in a place where people weren't so hung up on physical appearance and money, but that's a pipe dream.
2. What religion's afterlife would you most like to go to when you die?
I want to go to Penguin Heaven, where you get to push other people off cliffs all day and walk around naked but look like you have a tuxedo. Also they serve Shirley Temples and watch musicals.
3. In the movie of your life, what actor do you want to play you, and
what director do you want to direct it?
I want to be played by Jude Law, just so that millions of young girls will lust after me. And Sara will be played by Susan Sarandon, because Sara says she needs work.
It will be directed by David Fincher (Se7en, Fight Club).
4. You must kill me creatively. In what manner would you do it?
I would invite you to go swimming, as I know you enjoy this activity. While you are in the pool, I will slowly replace the water with a 2% sugar solution, coating your skin and hair. When you emerge from the pool and go in to take a shower, the spigots will release flesh-eating ants.
5. Which of your Shiver characters would you least like to have to fight?
OMG BLACK RIDER
1) Why does the damn text on your comment box match the background?
Because I like to mock your typos.
What aspect of your personality would you say has caused you the most
trouble in your life?
3) How much of Keller's weird crush-thing on Marian
is just to bug me personally?
I don't like bugging people personally. I would stop if I thought something bugged another player.
4) Are there any strange local urban
legends involving the place where you grew up? If so, elaborate.
I grew up in New York, right outside the city. We had crocodiles in our sewers, the people under the stairs, and lots of other urban legends.
you remember that show "Small Wonder"? The one with the little-girl
Yes. Was there supposed to be a follow-up?
1. If there was a band made up entirely of Shiver
characters, who would play what instrument?
Jon Hale is totally the lead singer. He's hot and he sang in the school choir.
Lanclott is on drums. then he gets to hit things and use up all his adrenaline. He's also the one who goes crazy and sets shit on fire during the show.
Ambrose was on bass because it has fewer strings than guitar, only he's not very good at it. His friends feel bad telling him so and encouraged him to pick up triangle instead.
Umar is on bass now. He's good at nice, solid riffs.
El Pescadore is lead guitar, because I think he's secretly Carlos Santana.
Jacob bounces around on stage with a tambourine. He's not really in the band and no one is sure why he's there. Sometimes he takes off his shirt and wears body paint.
Elizabeth Hale is on keys. She's the one who went to musical conservatory and has the classical background and wound up marrying a rock n' roller.
The Black Rider plays trumpet, and sometimes synthesizer. He also designs the laser light show.
Sidney is their bodyguard.
Peter prints their fan newsletter.
Otis is their techie. He does sound checks and secretly pretends he's in the band. He tells chicks he is, anyway.
Fanny is Ambrose's wife who couldn't take all the drugs and late nights and left before the band hit it big. Now she's trying to get some of his money.
Virginia Stafford is the screaming groupie in the front row.
2. Any place in the galaxy -
be it on Earth or somewhere else - where would you most like to go?
Hmm, since I don't know the atmospheric makeup of most other planets, I would like to go to the Isle of Naboombu from Bedknobs and Broomsticks. I would steal the Star of Astaroth from the King and use it to bring a lot of empty suits of armor to life in order to fight off the Nazis.
3. What is the one book/comic/story-in-general you wish you wrote?
This is a hard question. I think of a lot of other people's stuff as inspiration, but I'm not sure I wish I wrote it. I would have liked to have been the right age to get to write Sandman or Starman or DK Returns, or any of the other books that came out of the late 80s/early 90s movement to redefine superheroes, but I would have written something else at the time.
4. Why are there so many potatoes?
My LJ used to be potato colored. It's not anymore, but I got lazy and didn't change the headings.
5. If it was the 1600s, and you had the chance, would you
actually up-sticks in England and move to one of the colonies?
Not so much the "have the chance" as probably the "arrested for something and shipped off as an indentured servant."
1. You are writing an Ian/Ambrose scene. What happens?
If I'm writing a scene that's actually in the game, Ambrose goes into the store, asking for a book. Ian says something about King Arthur, Ambrose says something snarky about the King of the Britons. Ambrose says a few more snarky things, Ian sounds jealous about the fact that the Black Rider has a horse and he doesn't. Ambrose departs.
If I'm writing the scene in my livejournal to mildly upset Jenny or Rosie, the scene goes like this: Ambrose goes into the store. Ian is having a rough day. Ambrose strokes his cheek and tells him it's all right, and Ian carries Ambrose up the stairs, then takes the other man out of time so they can have a 24-hour lovefest in the same bed where Ian and Jenny conceived their expected child.
If I'm feeling guilty about writing the previous scene, Ambrose comes into the store and tells Ian that he's sorry, but they can't continue their secret relationship because he has to be faithful to Jon, who is his first and only love.
2. You have the choice of getting rid of rats or pigeons - which?
Pigeons, because the rats can always mutate to fly.
3. What's your shiver OTP, other than Ian/Ambrose?
Black Rider X Sara
4. How often are you supposed to salute a sole magpie?
1572 times. Any fewer and your arm turns blue and falls off.
5. Which has been your favourite shiver death so far?
I think when the demon bit off Henry Krug's head.
1. If you became a movie star, and were forced to make a cheesy
chick-flick film, who would be your love interest in it? What would the
Oooh, the title would be "NoMad About You." I would be the spunky journalist covering a story in the Middle East who, by perilous and wacky hijinks, winds up crossing a desert alone with her archrival. They would learn a lesson about life, love, and survival, and it would have to be at least partly an action movie. Brad Pitt would play opposite me, only because then he could also play the villain, his identical twin brother, and Brad Pitt playing psychos is like my favorite thing ever.
2. If Romeo and Juliet were cast in Shiver (kind of like Macbeth! The
Musical), who do you think would be the best cast and for what roles?
Romeo Geoff Hawkins
Mercutio Cuth Hawkins
Tybalt Elisa Stafford
Paris Tuck Willington
Friar Laurence Bernard Steerman
The Nurse Marian Christopher
3. If you were ship-wrecked on an island with five Shiver characters, who
would it be and why?
1) Lanclott. Because he would get me off. Not in that way, the way where we leave the island.
2) Sidney, same reason.
3) John Fenwick, because he knows how to build ships.
4) Umar, because he would kill the boar.
5) El Pescadore, because he is the savior of fishkind.
4. If a magical, pink fairy came down and offered you three wishes, what
would your first reaction be? And what would you chose for your wishes?
First, I would wish for a neverending supply of legal money gotten in a happy way with no strings attached.
Second, I would wish for the ability to watch and movie or television show commercial-free whenever I choose
Third, I would wish for the ability to transfer images and words from my brain to any chosen surface or onto the computer without exerting physical effort.
5. Write the cheesiest, most Mary-Sue, description you can think of for
yourself (or Ambrose)
Oh, I'm easy.
She is tall and slender but curvy, with a well-defined waist and large breasts which she attempts to hide because the attention she receives for them makes her uncomfortable. Her face is angular and not conventionally attractive, with a small nose, strong chin, large brown eyes framed by thick lashes, and full pink lips. She has dimples that show in her cheeks when she smiles. Her hair is short and curly-- she thinks it's too wild-- and dark auburn in color. Her skin is peaches n' cream in complexion. Her fingernails are long and rarely break.
She has a long, disfiguring scar down he right arm, in the shape of the letter V. She is a talented artist and writer, and has a beautiful mezzo soprano voice. She is rather shy, but is a loyal friend once she opens up to you.
Ambrose is harder.
He is on the tall side of average,slight of build, with pale skin and dark, angular features, including a strong nose and a cleft chin. He wears his long, silky brown-black hair in a ponytail, revealing a golden ring in one earlobe. He dresses in fine clothing, always carrying a walking stick which he can aim with deadly accuracy. His wrists are ringed with thick, red scars, and he wears heavy black iron bracelets, like shackles, around each of them. His hands, too, are heavily scarred, with thick marks in the center of either palm, like stigmata. Ambrose is a talented swordsman, even despite the limp that hampers his right leg. He is also accomplished politically, has a quick wit, and is clever with words.
1.) If someone ripped off every character from your novel for a wildly
successful cartoon, how would you react?
I would be shocked. Then I would sue their pants off and live comfortably for the rest of my life.
2.) If you hair were turned into any substance BUT hair, what would you
prefer it become and why?
I think I would make it into those yummy sour string candy things. Then I could chew on my hair, and it would be brightly colored, and yum.
3.) If you had to choose an artistic representation of your life, what
would it look like and what style would it be created in?
It would be a very soft squishy pillow covered in patchwork on one side and plush on the other.
4.) If your life were an old-skool game, what would it be called, what
would it look like, and what would the general premise be?
It would be called SimChair. There would be a chair and a keyboard and you would be able to click on the keyboard. The chair would spin around too, and there would be a counter that told you how many hours you'd spent on your fat ass.
5.) What childhood book had the most influence on your life?
I think Lamont the Lonely Monster and The Barbapapas' New House were the biggest ones. Lamont was about a monster with no friends, and the Barbapapas' New House was about these squishy metamorphic bohemian creatures who built their own home. I think it explains why I'm a squishy metamrophic bohemian monster with no friends.
1. What's the best and worst thing about living in Boston?
Best thing is definitely proximity to haruspexy, even if she is a horrible person. Also you can walk everywhere.
There is so little to do that it gets insanely boring for a New Yorker. Especially free stuff to do indoors.
2. What would
you do if, on a train, the person sitting next to you was Professor Hora?
I would go totally fangirly and ask for an invitation to Never House on Nowhere Lane.
3. Which of Shakespeare's plays is Ambrose's favorite?
This one is easy. Othello.
4. What's your
favorite of all the Halloween costumes you've ever worn?
I was The Beanstalk, of Jack fame, when I was seven.
5. How does it feel to have finished your book?
I'm not really sure it feels like anything. It feels like it's time to start working on something else.
If you'd like to be interviewed, say so in the comments and I'll oblige. Just post the answers to your journal. Or I guess if you want to ask more questions for some weird reason.