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ambrose/fanny IM
cap, captain miss america
teaberryblue


Mlryan6454(1:53:40 AM): fanny needs people to be honest with her.
Mlryan6454 (1:53:44 AM): it says that alot
aikomisake (1:54:02 AM): ambrose needs people to stop moving his christmas decorations
Mlryan6454 (1:54:33 AM): fanny says to take it up with the elves
aikomisake (1:54:56 AM): ambrose wants to know if she's sleeping with them, too
Mlryan6454 (1:55:21 AM): fanny says its none of his goddamn business
aikomisake (1:55:34 AM): ambrose is taking that as a yes
Mlryan6454 (1:56:49 AM): fanny says that at least the elves, who she's not sleeping with, have better decorating sense than he does.
aikomisake (1:57:27 AM): ambrose wants to know who she is sleeping with, then
Mlryan6454 (1:58:05 AM): fanny still says thats none of his goddamn business.
aikomisake (1:58:30 AM): ambrose says that considering that they're married, and it's not him, yes, it is
Mlryan6454 (1:59:29 AM): fanny would like to remind ambrose about that "till death do us part" bit in their wedding vows.
aikomisake (1:59:54 AM): ambrose points out that it hasn't parted them if they're having this conversation, now, has it?
Mlryan6454 (2:00:30 AM): fanny doesn't even see why he cares
aikomisake (2:00:52 AM): because he left her the goddamn, bed, dammit, so he has a right to know who's using it
Mlryan6454 (2:02:25 AM): fanny would say that ambrose would just overreact if he heard who it was.
aikomisake (2:03:09 AM): ambrose says he is not going to goddamn overreact, and that means she IS sleeping with someone, doesn't it?
Mlryan6454 (2:03:28 AM): fanny says of course she's sleeping with someone.
aikomisake (2:03:50 AM): ambrose says wonderful, and he supposes she's goddamn out of mourning already too?
aikomisake (2:04:00 AM): does she even goddamn remember being married?
Mlryan6454 (2:05:25 AM): fanny says of course she wears mourning, because people would talk if she didn't.
Mlryan6454 (2:05:45 AM): they might think she was sleeping with someone.
aikomisake (2:06:14 AM): well, she IS, says ambrose, and it's clearly not because she goddamn cares that her goddamn husband died to protect her goddamn neck
Mlryan6454 (2:06:45 AM): fanny says that sleeping with someone has nothing to do with her husband dying.
Mlryan6454 (2:06:52 AM): she just has a lot of free time now.
Mlryan6454 (2:07:46 AM): and that if he tried hard, he could guess at who she was sleeping with.
aikomisake (2:08:45 AM): he doesn't goddamn want to guess, he wants her to tell him.
aikomisake (2:09:05 AM): and does that mean she was doing it before he died?
Mlryan6454 (2:09:27 AM): no, it does not mean she was doing him before he died, thank you.
aikomisake (2:09:48 AM): but she WOULD HAVE, given the opportunity
Mlryan6454 (2:10:02 AM): no, she says, she wouldn't.
Mlryan6454 (2:10:37 AM): she also says 'coughmayhewcough' and now he can start in on all insults and blaming.
aikomisake (2:10:50 AM): ambrose says WHAT?
aikomisake (2:11:13 AM): why the hell is she sleeping with mayhew and he would never have guessed that in a million years.
aikomisake (2:11:24 AM): did he buy her new furniture?
Mlryan6454 (2:11:30 AM): fanny shrugs and says no.
Mlryan6454 (2:11:55 AM): he did get her the aldeman job, but she just likes him.
aikomisake (2:12:19 AM): he got her WHAT?
aikomisake (2:12:30 AM): wait, what the hell is going on up there?
Mlryan6454 (2:12:44 AM): fanny says she's a really good alderman.
Mlryan6454 (2:12:58 AM): she's the best alderperson on st. erasmus.
aikomisake (2:13:16 AM): ambrose says, oh, like that's hard, beating out knight and alexandra
Mlryan6454 (2:13:33 AM): fanny says she beats them by a lot though
Mlryan6454 (2:14:04 AM): and she says that him being more upset over the alderman thing instead of the mayhew thing shows a lot of personal growth.
aikomisake (2:15:49 AM): ambrose says oh, please. and anyone can beat them by a lot, and clearly if she has to settle for mayhew, it's not as if he should really be worried.
aikomisake (2:16:08 AM): he wants to know if mayhew grumbles and swears in bed, too
Mlryan6454 (2:16:25 AM): fanny says she doesn't sleep and tell.
aikomisake (2:16:39 AM): ambrose says ha
aikomisake (2:17:02 AM): does he make her call him captain? or mayhew? or is she actually allowed to use his name?
Mlryan6454 (2:17:21 AM): fanny says she calls him matthew.
Mlryan6454 (2:17:48 AM): but in public it's mayhew. unless he's trying to beat up peter.
aikomisake (2:19:28 AM): ambrose wants to know if she's sleeping with peter too
aikomisake (2:19:46 AM): and he sort of wishes he'd gotten to see that. the beating up peter, not the sleeping with him
Mlryan6454 (2:20:06 AM): fanny says no. he's just annoying and follows her everywhere.
Mlryan6454 (2:20:36 AM): and then he gets really upset over the entire mayhew thing, and that he's just jealous that she can have fun and he can't.
aikomisake (2:21:08 AM): ambrose finds that terribly amusing, and says good, at least peter is taking the request of a dying man seriously
Mlryan6454 (2:22:16 AM): fanny would like to say that it was a very annoying request, and why the hell it's so amusing.
Mlryan6454 (2:22:25 AM): is it
aikomisake (2:22:57 AM): ambrose thinks it's terribly amusing that fanny is annoyed by the one person who was infatuated with her
aikomisake (2:23:22 AM): and also he doesn't understand why they're not sleeping together. is he really that annoying?
Mlryan6454 (2:23:38 AM): fanny says that he isin't infatuated with her.
Mlryan6454 (2:24:51 AM): he's just annoying, a good friend, but he follows her everywhere and is always coming over and he always takes her side. it's weird.
aikomisake (2:25:19 AM): ambrose says yes, that's infatuation
aikomisake (2:25:43 AM): and he's shocked and amazed that there is a man on the island whom fanny still hasn't done
Mlryan6454 (2:26:01 AM): fanny says thats terribly crass and disgusting to say
aikomisake (2:26:25 AM): ambrose says well, it's a terribly crass and disgusting thing to do, so fanny's one to talk
Mlryan6454 (2:27:15 AM): fanny says she wouldn't sleep with peter anyways. she respects him too much.
aikomisake (2:27:36 AM): oh, so does that mean she didn't respect her husband?
aikomisake (2:27:56 AM): ambrose doesn't think peter cares about respect that much anyway
Mlryan6454 (2:28:29 AM): fanny says 'sleeping with' refers to sleeping only.
Mlryan6454 (2:29:05 AM): she respected ambrose, but she'd actually have to have a relationship with peter. and she isin't great at those. ambrose is proof.
aikomisake (2:29:29 AM): oh, ambrose is delighted to know that fanny's finally realized it was her fault
aikomisake (2:29:45 AM): so she doesn't respect mayhew then?
aikomisake (2:29:51 AM): how about conrad?
Mlryan6454 (2:30:15 AM): she respects mayhew professionaly.
aikomisake (2:30:38 AM): but not enough that she can't wreck his marriage, she means
Mlryan6454 (2:30:39 AM): and that conrad is an amazing lay. much better than ambrose.
Mlryan6454 (2:31:02 AM): fanny says that she isin't wrecking his marriage.
aikomisake (2:31:03 AM): ambrose says that's nice to know, because jon's much better than fanny
aikomisake (2:31:22 AM): ambrose wants to know how mayhew's wife would respond to that statement
Mlryan6454 (2:32:12 AM): mayhew's wife doesn't know. but fanny sometimes sends cookies back with mayhew, so she's sure mayhew's wife wouldn't mind that much.
Mlryan6454 (2:32:41 AM): and she'd like to say that ambrose is one to talk for wrecking marriages when he's doing jon.
aikomisake (2:32:47 AM): so is mayhew an amazing lay?
Mlryan6454 (2:33:44 AM): fanny says that isin't pertinent to the discussion
aikomisake (2:33:56 AM): ambrose says that jon wasn't ruining anyone's marriages, since fanny had already ruined theirs and elizabeth goddamn understands the difference between fooling around with a friend and cheating on one's spouse
aikomisake (2:34:14 AM): and he wants to know how he and mayhew compare
Mlryan6454 (2:34:34 AM): fanny says thats not up for discussion
aikomisake (2:34:48 AM): clearly ambrose was better, then
aikomisake (2:35:06 AM): because if mayhew were better, she'd be rubbing it in his face, wouldn't she?
Mlryan6454 (2:35:22 AM): no, she only rubs conrad in his face
Mlryan6454 (2:35:30 AM): mayhew doesn't even matter.
aikomisake (2:35:43 AM): ambrose says mayhew is a lousy lay!
aikomisake (2:35:58 AM): see? he doesn't matter! he clearly can't be that good.
Mlryan6454 (2:36:44 AM): fanny concedes that maybe mayhew isin't the best.
aikomisake (2:36:58 AM): so if conrad's a ten, and ambrose will be modest and put himself at a six, is mayhew like around a four, or a two?
Mlryan6454 (2:37:27 AM): fanny isin't lowering herself to this
aikomisake (2:37:35 AM): so he's a two?
aikomisake (2:37:42 AM): ambrose is so smug
Mlryan6454 (2:38:07 AM): then he should go be smug with jon and leave her alone
aikomisake (2:38:17 AM): why doesn't she go for peter? peter's got to be at least a three!
Mlryan6454 (2:38:42 AM): there would be a relationship there.
aikomisake (2:38:57 AM): which is definitely not worth a three. maybe a five.
aikomisake (2:39:11 AM): why is she even bothering with mayhew if it's that lousy?
Mlryan6454 (2:39:31 AM): she never conceded that it was lousy.
aikomisake (2:39:43 AM): a two is pretty lousy
aikomisake (2:40:00 AM): that's why it's a low number
Mlryan6454 (2:40:10 AM): it's obviously to complex for ambrose to understand
aikomisake (2:40:23 AM): that she wants bad sex?
aikomisake (2:40:45 AM): ambrose understands fine, she's desperate. it's all right.
Mlryan6454 (2:40:57 AM): she isin't desperate!
aikomisake (2:41:07 AM): oh, right, she could have peter
Mlryan6454 (2:41:38 AM): no, she would only want peter if she wanted a relationship. which she doesnt
aikomisake (2:42:08 AM): because she kills everyone she gets into a relationship with. ambrose understands.
Mlryan6454 (2:42:31 AM): she says that isin't true!
Mlryan6454 (2:42:42 AM): has he been talking to harry?
aikomisake (2:42:58 AM): ambrose says no, he's just living proof
aikomisake (2:43:02 AM): err, dead proof
Mlryan6454 (2:44:25 AM): fanny says she isin't even listening, since this is coming from the man whose deepest relationship in life is just 'friendly fooling around.'
Mlryan6454 (2:44:47 AM): and that she apologizes for interrupting what ambrose had with jon.
aikomisake (2:44:58 AM): ambrose says fanyn clearly doesn't understand that the fooling around does not define their relationship
aikomisake (2:45:23 AM): ambrose says he would tell fanny to go to hell, but he doesn't want the company
Mlryan6454 (2:45:35 AM): fanny says it's true
Mlryan6454 (2:45:55 AM): and that its his fault for just marrying the first acceptable woman.
aikomisake (2:46:43 AM): ambrose says that if fanny hadn't been a social climber who was so intent on sinking her claws into him, he might have had a chance
aikomisake (2:46:55 AM): and there were LOTS of other acceptable women
aikomisake (2:47:06 AM): but ambrose was extremely picky
Mlryan6454 (2:47:39 AM): fanny contends that she didn't sink her claws into him, that just had perpendicular goals at the time.
Mlryan6454 (2:47:53 AM): and she questions his pickiness if he ended up with her.
aikomisake (2:48:19 AM): ambrose snorts and says next time he won't even try to compliment her
Mlryan6454 (2:48:38 AM): fanny asks why he was even trying
Mlryan6454 (2:48:58 AM): because most of the time they're just veiled insults
aikomisake (2:49:30 AM): ambrose says no, that's usually just when they're coming from fanny
aikomisake (2:49:49 AM): and he was picky! he was so picky that he didn't get married until he was 35
Mlryan6454 (2:50:53 AM): when he was trapped on an island, already damned to hell, and met a reasonably wealthy widow. fanny says that's really picky.
aikomisake (2:51:02 AM): what does fanny want him to say, that it took him that long to find a woman with an ass big enough that it would distract from his nose?
Mlryan6454 (2:51:33 AM): fanny says now he's just being a jerk
Mlryan6454 (2:51:59 AM): and that his friends always tried to get him a wife. why didn't he listen to them?
aikomisake (2:52:11 AM): ambrose says, well, he's damned, he sort of has a right
aikomisake (2:52:20 AM): and none of those wives were good enough
Mlryan6454 (2:52:45 AM): fanny says just because one is in the thrall of hell, it doesn't mean one can't be polite
aikomisake (2:53:58 AM): ambrose says fine, then she can come down here and freeze for all eternity and see how she likes it
Mlryan6454 (2:54:52 AM): fanny doesn't see why ambrose is compliementing her as a wife.
aikomisake (2:55:15 AM): oh, he's not, those were just thinly-veiled insults, weren't they?
aikomisake (2:55:37 AM): and he's pleased she's finally realized she was a terrible one
Mlryan6454 (2:56:23 AM): she was only following his example
Mlryan6454 (2:56:36 AM): like a good wife should
aikomisake (2:57:34 AM): ambrose points out that a) he wasn't the one who had any experience being married and b) he wasn't the wife and c) she kept moving his stuff around and d) doesn't she have some guard captains somewhere she should be getting bad sex from about now?
Mlryan6454 (2:58:52 AM): she consents to d, and to the others she says she doesn't feel like arguing right now.
aikomisake (2:59:19 AM): ambrose says hah! he knew it was bad. and fine, be that way