tea berry-blue (teaberryblue) wrote,
tea berry-blue

The Unpopular Opinions Meme

A lot of people seem to be doing this meme. I understand that the idea behind it is that you post a bunch of opinions which are unpopular. I think the idea is to spur discussion or something, but it seems to me that so far no one has really tried to rock the boat.

And come on, guys, the boat wants to be rocked. That, in itself, may be an unpopular opinion, since it will result in the devil dragging me under by the sharp lapels of my checkered coat, but hey. So far I have seen many controversial opinions posted, but while I don't mean to criticize my friends' list, unpopular still remains to be seen. Especially since most of the comments back on most of these posts appear to be props to the authors.

But never fear! I am here to remedy this!

1) I think cows should be allowed to run for public office. First of all, they are much more attractive than a lot of the people who run for public office. Secondly, there is that whole part in the Constitution about all men and cows being created equal. I think we need to stop treated cows like they are only 3/5 of a human being. Thirdly, they give us delicious milk and ice cream. Fourthly, their rights are being oppressed by dairy farmers! Fifthly, seriously, I see no reason why they shouldn't be allowed to run. It's the voters' fault if they vote a cow into office and have to deal with the consequences of having cow pies in their municipal buildings.

2) Enough with all this death penalty controversy. Violent criminals should be shipped to the moon to start a penal colony. If they die due to lack of oxygen, the blood isn't on anybody's hands, and penal colonies have resulted in many wonderful places, like Australia and Georgia. Also, the Bible says that whole thing about how "Thou shalt not suffer anyone guilty of assault and/or battery to live, except on the moon."

3) I think free healthcare is very important for all Americans. I have a very simple plan for creating a self-sustaining free healthcare system. It works like this. If you want socialized healthcare, the governement advertising space on your back up to 9" x 9" square. Major corporations can pay to advertise on you. Anyone who offers their back for ad space automatically gets free healthcare for as long as they advertise. However, you may not turn down a sponsor, so if Marlboro wants to sponsor your chemo, you'll just have to live with it.

4) Online communities that rate people's looks should be used to set the standard for personal appearances. No one wants to live in an ugly world, so anyone who is rejected from or scored 4/10 or under on a looks-rating community should be required to wear a bag over his/her head at all times. They may be permitted to cut holes for their eyes, unless they're cross-eyes or wear glasses or something else sub-par. This is a simple step toward beautifying the towns and cities we live in.

5) In order to help children understand the seriousness of gun-related violence, we should choose one child at random from every school class in the nation and shoot them at some point between kindergarten and third grade. It will happen at a different time for everyone so that we can really get across the suddenness and unpreparedness that people feel in a school shooting scenario. This will also help kids learn about grieving and loss at an early age so they will be better prepared for suffering later!

6) Tom Cruise seems like a pretty normal, happy-go-lucky, sane sort of guy to me. If someone asked me to define normal, the first words out of my mouth would be "Tom Cruise."

7) I find the word phonograph highly offensive. It really bothers me when people say phonograph in public, especially if you're not a record-player yourself. This is an antiquated term that doesn't mean the same thing that it used to, and people really need to be more sensitive about using it. For this reason, I feel that the government should establish a "phonograph tax," by which anyone caught saying "phonograph" in public should be subjected to a $50 fine. Then we can use the money to help all those people who are still playing phonographs finally come into the 21st century and buy CD players.

8) People who eat tinned tuna fish should be tortured by eels and then shot at point blank range. This way, we don't have to even worry about whether the tuna is dolphin safe or not. Then we can cut off their heads and hang them on pikes over bridges or on piers near places where dolphins swim so the dolphins can see what a good job we're doing.

9) I feel the war in Iraq is a right and just war. After all, everyone knows that the Iraqis like giving people swirlies in public bathrooms, and they really must be stopped! That, and they punched me in the nose and stole my pogs! I strongly believe that we need to come down hard on the Iraqis with an iron fist and also make them all strut around in lacy panties whilst singing "Midnight Train To Georgia." I think that would be a good solution to all of the world's problems right now. Then all those other countries who see America as a big mean aggressor would a) realize we had been right all along and b) would be too frightened we'd do it to them. Kim Jong-Il would be terrified.

10) Immigration should be decided by a game show. Every time a Mexican illegally crosses the border (or any time anyone else comes here illegally, of course), they should be pitted against a natural-born American citizen in a battle of wits and also trivia and a swimsuit competition. The winner will get to stay in the United States and the loser will be shipped back to Mexico. This way, we know that we will end up with the best and the brightest here, in America. Also, in the event that a married American citizen gets deported, the new American citizen taking his or her place gets to live with his or her spouse and or family. Then we can also keep Wife Swap on television for a really long time. That would be awesome.

11) I think that the Nazis have made a mockery of the beautiful symbolism of the Swastika for too long. It's high time that we reclaim the Swastika and its original meaning of good luck and prosperity! So here is how I plan to do this: I think we should hang big banners with Swastikas on all major roads, and all of our military, police officers, and government officials can start wearing armbands with swastikas on them. This way, people will get used to thinking of the Swastika as a "good" symbol instead of a bad one and the Swastika will no longer be considered a graphical pariah because of stupid Hitler.

12) I strongly believe in environmentalism and fear the long-term effects of global warming. So I think we should outlaw automobiles and instead of those, everyone will be expected to shoot quail and construct their own aerodynamic wings from the feathers of their quails and the wax off Baby Bel cheeses. That, or we can all harness carts to teams of genetically-enhanced chickens. I mean, the chickens have been getting all those hormones for so long now, they have got to be at least as fast as a car. And more environmentally friendly. Also, it will be funny when traffic gets stopped for cockfights.

13) I think that the praying mantis is a really beautiful animal and we should learn to emulate it more in our every day life. So I think that it should be legal and, in fact, encouraged for a woman to cut off and eat a man's head after sex. Yummy!

Those are all of my unpopular opinions for you! Nonetheless, I feel strongly about every one of these ideas which I hold near and dear to my heart. Please feel free to voice your disagreement if you so choose, but I would appreciate it if you keep the flames and ranting to yourself. All of my opinions are very valid and obviously better than yours.
Tags: memes, unpopular opinions
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