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liret is win and a letter from the President.


Someone is totally the most awesome ever.

Augh, there's like a zillion things I keep meaning to update about and then just...not bothering. Real update soon!

In the meantime, for those of you who aren't sick of Harry Potter (& those of you who are), this DOES NOT IN ANY WAY SPOIL DH as I wrote it before DH came out. For a hogwarts_elite contest.

Dear Mr. Rowling,

Howdy! I am a big fan of your book series, about Harry Potter. I really like Harry Potter because of all the good American values in it. I think we need more books about good Americans. I am proud to have such strong American writers in our country who do such good work teaching good strong morals to our American youth.

However, Sir, on a sad note, I have to say I was not a big fan of your last book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Gallows. I picked it up thinking I was going to read a book about the importance of the capital punishment system and why it is real important to execute hardened criminals. Instead, there were no gallows at all.

Also, your book was very hard to read and had a lot of big words I didn’t understand. It was real hard. You say this is a book for kids but I am a grown adult man and I couldn’t read most of it. I had to have my good friend Dick read it to me. Haha I said Dick. I don’t think you should be using so much Latin. Didn’t you hear Latin is a dead language? That means people don’t talk it any more. I think we need to help our kids talk good American. On that note, you really need to work on your spelling. I found a lot of words you spelled wrong. For example, you put a lot of the letter U in words that don’t have that letter. Like color and favor. See? Now you can spell them right next time. I will have my secretary send you a list of all the words you spelled wrong in your book. Maybe you can study them. That is how I finally learned to spell nucular right. Did you know it’s not nuke-yular?

I can also send you the new requirement for the No Child Left Behind assessments. This way you will be able to write your books to the right grade level instead of making them too hard for kids. Some kids in America are Mexicans and they can't read good in American. So you need to make the words easier for the Mexicans.

I was a little confused by all the boys wearing jumpers. Don’t you know jumpers are for girls? They have little skirts and buttons on them. I don’t think we should be promoting homo-sexual activities among our youth by letting them wear girls’ clothes because it is a real challenge to good Christian morals. God told me this hisself. If we let boys wear jumpers, what comes next? Tutus? Pumps? Brassieres? This would be bad. One time my brother Jeb wore a pink shirt, and the next thing I knew he was drinking wine spritzers. Lucky we whupped that out of him, isn’t it?

Anyway, I really hope you write more books with smaller words in them next time. I think your books are real good even if they are real long. Sometimes good things come in small packages, my daddy always says. So I think if you made your book shorter and put in more pictures, it would be better.

Sincerely Yours,

George (The President of America)

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Oh my god, Tea, this was so fucking awesome that I sent it to non-H_E friends. I think it's amazing how you have mastered the subtle nuances and complex intricacies of our illustrious president's speech patterns and belief system.

Ahahah thanks. It was easy. Baby Jesus appeared to me and showed me how to do it.

Ooh, donuts!


Aww, thanks!



That's what I'm hoping. Because if I don't win, the terrorists do.

ROFL, I loved that essay. I think I voted for it too.


That or they just hacked the Florida voting machines to make it look like you did.

I don't believe Bush could write so well. He'd have to have been Dicktating.

No, that's not a gay porn term. It's like, he's dictating to Dick. And... Yeah, okay, you got me. It's a gay porn term. I think George Bush is a homosexual.

Also, I question his ability to identify Latin. I think he'd probably assume they were all speaking Spanish because wizards are all illegal immigrants (that's why they have to hide)

Well, I had to take some artistic liberties!

You already know how awesome I think that was. AS AWESOME AS TWO DOZEN CRISPY KREMES.

You can't eat the President, though.

See, that's not what Monica Lewinsky says.

XD I love that so very very much!

And hooray for liret! :D

XD There are tears in my eyes from the hilarity. Oh Georgie Porgie, you slay me.

What? This is all wrong. It's all... typed out. Instead of being written in crayon.

This is because he has these nice people called secretaries who help him. Also they spell the big words.

btw, I friended you. I wans't sure you were on my list or not and I'm trying to catch up with my LJ life

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