When I get back from San Diego, I have approximately a month to decide what I am doing and where I am going to be living. And it is rushing down on me like a deluge, weighting my shoulders. I do not want to leave New York, and yet, I don't have time or money to find a different apartment in a place where I would like to be.
Maine and Connecticut are both temporary options, but I don't like the idea of living somewhere where I can't get around easily. I would get a bicycle either place, but a bicycle is only a realistic mode of transportation until around early November. I can't bike in the winter, and I am leery of wearing helmets everywhere I go with my hair, and biking in a city with no helmet is really not an option as far as I'm concerned. And I still have to arrange to move, pack my stuff. I don't want to do any of it. Finding apartments in New York is difficult and expensive. I would prefer to do it but after my experiences with my landlord, I'm hesitant to get back into that shit. But it means no movies, it means no takeout. It means trying to figure out how to maneuver the grocery situation. It means going back to purchasing everything I own online. It means I am not really sure how to avoid cabin fever. It means not having friends in close proximity, if I go to Connecticut. I am not sure. I'm really not sure.
Argh. Yeah. The closer it gets, the sadder I get, because I love New York and this is the place that runs in my veins, that is home to me and that I can never really bring myself to leave. This place is my lifeblood, and I am already feeling homesick.