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i've been neglecting my journal
cap, captain miss america
teaberryblue
since i left for delaware. now i'm back. docmanhattan described our trip so i don't feel like i need to. i'm going to italy on thurs so i apologize for not keeping up to date.

working on this forbes project for work, worked on it all night last night. i had a really good review on it, the guy from forbes totally loved it. that made me happy and somewhat more confident in my ability to do my job.

i can't wait to go to italy. i feel like i'm going away for much longer than a week. i feel like i don't have to go back to work, which is a stupid way to feel since of course i will. i wish mikey were coming with me, but that's okay, i will be with my mommy and daddy.

i almost feel like i'm not really going; i can't quite imagine that i am getting in a plane and going. i can't envision myself going. or things i will be doing there even though i'll be in cities i've been in a few times before.

i'm being excluded from an interview with some people which includes a designer. i don't like being excluded from such things. the less i'm included in, the less i like my job. i want to be part of decisions that will affect me.



i was looking at the dream quiz kimiki took. i couldn't answer a lot of the questions. they didn't apply to me at all. is there anyone else out there who doesn't regularly appear in his/her own dreams? i don't. sometimes i am in them but not too frequently. when i am they are almost always premonitions. they don't seem like premonitions but something from them always happens. not necessarily the main plot thing, but i will see someone wearing something they were wearing in my dream or whatnot.

usually if i am in my dream, the plot involves me falling in mad lust or in love with someone i really really shouldn't. sometimes they are fictional and sometimes they aren't. there is never any sex in these dreams. they are kind of stalker dreams. sometimes there will be hand-holding or kissing but that is about all. and they usually take place with me in high school. and they are hardly ever about people i am actually attracted to or was ever really involved with. a lot of times there will be other high school kids i knew in them.

huh.

but most of the time i am not in my dreams at all. the protagonist is still usually female but not always. but when it is a male it is usually someone relatively older, 35ish or so. when i was younger the men were closer to my own age, usually only a couple years older than me. the women range much more in age but are never as old as the men. the women are anywhere from very small children to women in their late 20s. there are older characters of course but never as protagonists.

the female protagonists tend to be less worried, faster thinkers, and more serene than i am. the male protagonists seem to be more like me but tend to be more scientific. they are all usually darker-skinned than i am, kind of light-olive or tan complected with smoky dark brown hair, or sometimes dark honey, and gray-green or dark eyes. they tend to be slender and tall. this is not my ideal & i feel it is important to communicate that. i like tall & slender but i like pale with pink undertones, blue-black hair or reddish brown (not red!) and light blue or green or hazel eyes. the point being that this is not some idealized form of myself.

the only thing i can come up with is that it is the look that has usually been ascribed to magic-makers. the fairy scholar in my current book looks like this, and so did the witch-girl who was the main protagonist of most of my dreams when i was a teenager. it is also the proper coloring for two of my old avatars, jolie and riasa. jolie was a dancer; she didn't have any magic per se, but riasa was a very young magician.

i'm kind of rambling. whee.
i guess i will stop for now, go back to doing a bit of work.