The first is about a recent news item which many of you may have heard about. In case you have not, Ice-Skating Bear Kills Russian Circus Hand
KILLER ICE-SKATING BEAR
Text decoration: Ice-skating bear in tu-tu.
Panel 1: Bear in prison uniform
Bear: You have probably heard a lot about me, since I mauled my trainer to death.
Panel 2: Bear, with inset of bear imagining self as maniacal killing bear in tutu
Bear: But how to separate the truth from the lies? Am I really a vicious killing machine?
NO! I WILL TELL YOU THE TRUE STORY.
Panel 3: Bear's coach
Panel 4: Bear. Bear's tutu has a heart on it.
Bear: Yeah, coach?
Panel 5: Coach looks mad
Coach: What's this about your routine! We agreed you would do Rachmaninoff!
Panel 6: Bear is shrugging.
Bear: But I wanted to do "Shining Star," the modern classic by Earth, Wind, and Fire!
Panel 7: Coach looks pissed
Coach: How do you think you will do a TRIPLE LUTZ to Earth, Wind, and Fire?
Panel 8: Coach points in air.
Coach: I will not have any of that R&B American Billboard crap in my circus! No supper for you!
Panel 9: Bear jumps on coach, bites coach's head.
Inset, in cursive: Shining star for you to see, what your life can truly be!
AND NOW YOU KNOW.
The second entry is a more personal story, about the time I made my bear a false witness.
Black is the color of my SOUL (soul is in blackletter calligraphy)
Panel 1: picture of little Tea with Child Psychologist
When I was eight, they made me go to a child psychologist.
Psych: YOU ARE SPECIAL!
Tea: (thinking) Oh God, no.
Panel 2: Picture of Psychologist's shoes. One has a much thicker sole than the other.
She had scary shoes. I know now that she just had different-sized legs, but at eight, it was scary!
Panel 3: Picture of Psychologist sitting in a chair while Tea is holding an anatomically-correct male doll with an erect penis. Tea looks uncomfortable.
She made me talk about my feelings.
Psychologist: How does the naked daddy make you feel?
THEN, ONE DAY:
Panel 4: Psychologist, looking excited
Psychologist: Next week, why don't you bring in your favorite toy?
Panel 5: Tea looks wicked. She rubs her hands together.
Tea: (thinking) Finally, Vengeance is mine! Take that, Naked Daddy!
Panel 6: Headless Toy Bear
I had this bear whose head could pop off very easily.
Panel 7: Tea is holding headless bear. Psychologist looks concerned.
Tea: This is my bear. He reminds me of my own mortality.
Panel 8: Tea, holding bear and grinning.
Tea: His name is "Momento Mori"
Panel 9: Tea, looking innocent.
Tea: That means, "remember you will die."
THEY NEVER SENT ME BACK AGAIN.