I wrote out the joke that has had the most lasting effect on my life. As you will see, it is extremely profound. The punchline to this joke is my father's favorite catchphrase which he repeats to me whenever I am making merciless fun of him.
So there was once a little boy named Gregor. And Gregor's parents took him to the circus. And they bought him cotton candy and a sno cone and a balloon and popcorn and peanuts and a foam clown hat and sat him right down in the first row.
And he saw the trapeze artists, and the human cannonball, and the lions, and tigers and bears (oh my!). And then, out came the clowns! And one of the clowns was leading a horse. He walked right up to Gregor and pointed to the horse's head. He said,
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS THE HORSE'S HEAD!"
And then he pointed at Gregor.
"AND THIS IS THE HORSE'S ASS!"
The audience laughed and laughed, but Gregor cried and cried! The circus was ruined! So that day, Gregor vowed to get revenge on the clown by discovering the world's most perfect comeback.
He researched, and planned, and researched some more, and as Gregor devised his brilliant revenge, twenty years passed.
Gregor, now an adult, went back to the circus. He bought all the same treats: popcorn, peanuts, a sno cone, cotton candy. And he bought the very same seat, front row, center.
He sat through the trapeze artists and the human cannonball, and the lions, and tigers, and bears (oh my!), and finally, finally, the clowns came out. And the same clown, albeit much older, came out, leading a horse.
He walked right up to Gregor.
He pointed at the horse's head.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," he said, "THIS IS THE HORSE'S HEAD!"
He pointed at Gregor.
"AND THIS IS THE HORSE'S ASS!"
The audience began to laugh, but this time-- THIS TIME-- Gregor was armed with the world's most perfect comeback.
He stood up in his seat and shouted,
"FUCK YOU, CLOWN!"
Also, I had this dream last night. I vaguely remember it being much more detailed at the time, but most of it faded.
What I do remember is that it was in a late Medieval setting, and there was a very young Pope. He had been selected by some cardinals who were in the pockets of the Holy Roman Emperor, and they were trying to use him to do something, although I don't remember what it was. They thought that him being young and inexperienced would mean he'd basically be a puppet Pope. But then he got anointed and found out what was going on in terms of whatever sneaky back-room dealings were happening, and he staged a rebellion against the Holy Roman Empire. There was this part in the dream where he appeared to give a mass out in a piazza for a festival and someone threw a grenade at him. He caught it, held it up, and counted, out loud, to fourteen, with the grenade still in his hand. And then he used his papal scepter as a sling and threw the grenade up over the city wall, and looked out into the crowd, and was like, "And how are YOU doing, Imperatore?" That's most of what I remember! Plus, there were the medieval equivalent of Papal papparazzi because he was like a rock star.
Okay, doctor appointment! More later!